What feminism does not equal: aloneness, lesbianism, or man-hating

Feminism can be considered a dirty word. For much of the population, it brings to mind cranky old bra burners who hate on men and never get married.

Just look at Katy Parry's recent rejection of the word as she accepted the Billboard Woman of the Year award - so ironic - or Taylor Swift saying she doesn't believe in "guys versus girls."

Now Taylor, I love your music, but you're hitting on a misinformed belief about feminism commonly held by women in our age group: guys versus girls.

Simply put, no. This is not what feminism is about. Feminism is, at it's most basic definition, about liberation and equality. Not being better, or having power over men, or oppressing them so they can have a taste of their own medicine. It's not about being a single cat lady at a rally burning your bra because men are evil.

In fact, you can be a self-identified feminist and still wind up married to the man of your dreams - I know because I'm a feminist who just married the man of my dreams. And no, we did not meet at a bra-burning rally. That doesn't happen any more, and in fact, it never did. So put that stereotype out of your mind.

My husband is a man who is on his way to becoming a chef, loves pit bulls, hip hop music, and scary movies. He grew up in a typical household in Wisconsin without any notable hardcore feminists around him. He dated girls in high school and college, met yours truly at the age of 21, and proposed to her in typical proposal fashion a year and a half later. He's never identified as a feminist, but obviously I see it in him or I wouldn't be here today, sitting on a couch in the apartment we share on Chicago's west side. When we talked about him being a feminist, he listened to what I had to say and then said "yeah, I suppose I am a feminist then."

Like it was no big deal.

Because guess what? It isn't. You can be a feminist and still date cool guys. You can be a feminist and wear a bra, wear make up, have "girl talk" with your friends, and be heartbroken over a breakup. You can be a feminist and do what makes you feel liberated as a woman - in fact, that's what it's all about. And if that's going bra-less, cool. If that's going to every sale at Victoria's Secret and always getting one of those goopy lip glosses while you're waiting in line, cool.

You can be a feminist and fall in love with a man, marry him, have kids together. You can wear pink, blue, green, whatever you want. Because being a feminist today is about having the right as a woman to do what you want, outside of societal and cultural expectations of what you should do as a woman. Workaholic business woman? Cool. Stay at home Mom? Cool. Single, partnered, straight, lesbian - being a feminist doesn't box you into a corner and prescribe what you do. That would be just as oppressive as the horrid set of expectations that feminism fights against.

You can be a feminist and still date. In fact, the summer I was confronted with the things that turned me into a self-proclaimed feminist was the summer that I gained the most confidence about my appearance, my lifestyle, and my choices, and that confidence lead to juggling multiple dudes who wanted in on my life. The night before my first date with my husband, I had to shut down a guy friend who had a little too much to drink and suddenly wanted nothing more than to come home with me. The week before that, a guy from a class that I hardly knew asked me out simply because "you say really interesting things in class." Because those things still happen when you're a feminist - guys still want you, you still get asked out, you have just as much a chance of winding up engaged as do your friends who shy away from the word for fear of winding up alone except for their cats.

This feminist just married an amazing man. So don't for a second think you'll end up alone if you have the word "feminist" as part of your identity.