A great example of women's impossibly narrow fashion standards

While reading about the recent factory collapse in Bangladesh, I saw a link on the bottom of the page called "The right way to wear leggings in school." Curious and already somewhat annoyed, I clicked. What I found was a perfect example of the incredibly narrow and nearly impossible to reach standards that women are expected to conform to. These tiny windows of what's acceptable exist in multiple areas - personal and professional conduct, sexual expression, how intelligent you come off - and are especially obvious within the fashion world.

Case in point: the leggings debate. Are they pants? Can they be worn with tight shirts? Does thickness matter? What if you're working out?

The article claims that no, they are not pants, and gives several pictures of celebrities to help women understand the incredibly narrow, specific way that they are acceptably worn. But look closer - they still give an inconclusive definition of what's ok. Some women wear them with shirts that go below the rear end (what I had learned should be worn with leggings during college) but others are sporting shirts that go perhaps midway down the rear or - wait - don't cover it at all. Some of them are wearing tighter shirts, some of them looser. The author mentions the need to hide the lines from undergarments, but that's not a real problem depending on the thickness of the leggings, and isn't that also a thing that happens with certain sweatpants or even certain jeans?

The conclusion I draw from this has nothing to do with how leggings should be "properly" worn, but more on the fact that women must conform to an impossibly narrow standard of dress.

The 'deranged' sorority girl's email is just a reflection of society's priorities for women

I'm not about to defend the Delta Gamma's officer's email that has been making headlines for it's ridiculously over the top emotions and threats. I mean, really, she threatens to "c***punt" her sisters. She also ridicules her sisters as being mentally slow (I personally have strong feelings about why we shouldn't liken people we don't find intelligent to individuals with downs syndrome) and emphasizes not showing up to the night's event if you're going to be a "cock block," which seems to give importance to the sexual gratification of the fraternity they've been paired with. But this isn't another post to expose and ridicule the author of the email.

While the media has been quick to publish the email, offer commentary, give advice on the eternalness of online content, and even do parodied readings, no one has stepped back and asked why: why did this woman write such a heartless and shocking email that reflects such misplaced values? Why would someone value the women of the group she is leading being fun and exciting to the men in the fraternity they had been paired with over having fun and being themselves?

I don't think this question even needs answering, but here we go. The woman who wrote the email is simply a reflection - a big, cartoonishly exaggerated reflection - of the values that society dictates to women.

What does an American "look like"?

Newsflash, since apparently the actual news people can't get it right. An American doesn't "look" like anything. American's are black and white, brown, copper, golden, and everything in-between. Americans have all colors of eyes, our hair is straight and thin, curly and thick. We have different dialects, cultures, and norms that vary from state to state among people whose families have been living here for generations, as well as newcomers.

If the Boston marathon bombers look so American, does that mean that people who are darker skinned, don't wear baseball caps, wear clothing other than jeans, and don't blend into a crowd or not?

Come on, media. Stop being so goddamn racist.

Why I'm not "excited" to get married

As a woman with a ring on her finger in the throes of planning a large wedding, I get asked a lot if I'm "getting excited" about getting married.

The simple answer is no. No, I'm not excited to get married.

If I have the time and the proper relationship with whoever asks me, I give that answer and explain that what I am excited about is to have a giant party with everyone we love in the world in attendance, giving us thoughtful gifts we can't afford ourselves and celebrating the concept of love. But I'm not excited to get married because essentially, nothing will change. So stop asking.

Don't get me wrong - I know that we'll now have certain legal protections and rights - like very important medical and hospital rights - that make marriage important, and make it something worth fighting for so that all people can access those rights. But for the (knock on wood) immediate future, nothing's changing. In a time past, yes, a ton would change. But that time, when couples didn't co-habitat or sleep together (maybe) until marriage hasn't been around for while.

But this is one of the things I've learned are expected of women when they're engaged. We are expected to be incredibly excited about getting married. We are also in charge of planning a huge, multi-layered event, carefully balancing the desires and demands of two families, trying not to step on toes while ultimately working towards what we want at our own "big day"s.

We already live together. We have a joint bank account and a dog. We had all those things before we were engaged. And we had something else, too - a deep and meaningful love and commitment to each other. So really, other than a few little details, nothing is going to change when we get married. We'll still have all those things. We'll still be committed to each other, we'll still work together to pay the bills and vacuum up animal hair, we'll still argue over where to go for dinner. We will still have to make an effort to meet each other's needs, still feel the pure and simple happiness of waking up next to the person we love every morning. We won't gain more commitment, and we won't lose any of the trouble spots within our relationship.

So why should I be excited to get married?