The 'deranged' sorority girl's email is just a reflection of society's priorities for women

I'm not about to defend the Delta Gamma's officer's email that has been making headlines for it's ridiculously over the top emotions and threats. I mean, really, she threatens to "c***punt" her sisters. She also ridicules her sisters as being mentally slow (I personally have strong feelings about why we shouldn't liken people we don't find intelligent to individuals with downs syndrome) and emphasizes not showing up to the night's event if you're going to be a "cock block," which seems to give importance to the sexual gratification of the fraternity they've been paired with. But this isn't another post to expose and ridicule the author of the email.

While the media has been quick to publish the email, offer commentary, give advice on the eternalness of online content, and even do parodied readings, no one has stepped back and asked why: why did this woman write such a heartless and shocking email that reflects such misplaced values? Why would someone value the women of the group she is leading being fun and exciting to the men in the fraternity they had been paired with over having fun and being themselves?

I don't think this question even needs answering, but here we go. The woman who wrote the email is simply a reflection - a big, cartoonishly exaggerated reflection - of the values that society dictates to women.
Be fun and engaging with men, even if you're faking it. Don't ever risk making them jealous by even mentioning you're going to go hang out with another fraternity. Don't be boring. Don't be awkward. And above all, make the men happy, no matter what the cost, which, the email implies, is sexual gratification even if your sorority sisters seem to think that it should be prevented. These are the values that the author's email reflects, albeit with a lot more f-bombs and capital letters.

This person is the leader of a group of women, and certainly feels the burden of leadership - after all, failure always come back to the leader, and she mentioned getting texts about her sisters being "boring and awkward." She has the unfortunate responsibility of making sure that the group of women she's leading adhere to the strict protocol of how women should act. Should she have handled her emotions better? Yes. But under the pressure of not only conforming to society's expectations herself, but of ensuring that dozens of other women do so as well, it's no surprise she cracked. And when society's standards for women are what they are, it's not actually surprising that she would write an email like this.

Let's stop throwing this woman under the bus and instead start asking ourselves what we have done, as individuals, to further the expectations put forth in her email. What have you done recently that reinforces the "misplaced" values that she emphasized? Have you ever encouraged a friend to seem more interesting when trying to get a man? To go out when she doesn't feel like it? To be more outgoing? Have you ever given advice on how a woman should go about getting a man? Even that suggests that women must somehow change themselves. I know that I've done it a lot, and it's something I'm trying to do less of.

Instead of looking down on this woman, thinking how I would never write an email like this or prioritize such superficial qualities in others, I'm attempting to seriously ask myself how my daily interactions and words contribute to a mentality like hers. And for me personally, I am making an attempt to stop constantly discussing men and relationships, and put more an emphasis on the hundreds of other aspects of my female friend's lives. I encourage you to do the same hard work of reflecting your criticism inward, and making a change that will aid, in its own small way, a change in the culture that created the mindset portrayed in the Delta Gamma's officer email.