shootings and sexism: not just a women's issue

The Sandy Hook massacre has got to be one of the worst events of my lifetime. September 11th was bad, and war and other shootings are bad, but for a man to go into an elementary school and murder children is simply unthinkable.
When I wasn't busy pouring over new reports and holding back tears when pictures of the young victims appeared on my facebook newsfeed while on the train, I was thinking. Thinking about how all but one of the deadliest school-related shooting in America have been committed by men, most of them privileged white men.

Why does this matter? Because it's a profile. Men - over and over again, it's men doing these things.

But I'm not writing this piece to blame men. I'm writing it because it's a crystal clear example of why sexism is not just a women's issue, it's everyone's issue.

There's a wretched stigma against mental illness in this country, but it's even worse for men. In a society where

Kasandra Perkins: Murder first, tragedy second.

photo: nydailynews

Yes, the fact that Jovan Belcher killed Kasandra Perkins and then himself is tragic. By all means, a true tragedy. But as I read, I can’t help but notice that the way the media is reporting on the whole thing is a really astounding example of normalizing violence against women and using females as mere throw away characters in the story of a male-centered world.

This is all based off of various articles from cnn.com, my daily home base for getting informed about what’s going on in the world before leaving the house. Usually I love them, right down to easily naviagable homepage to their not-news news about Kate Middleton's morning sickness disease to dating over 40. Not so today.

So far, I’ve seen one picture of the girlfriend and mother, Kasandra Perkins. Just one, among the dozens and dozens of Jovan Belcher stretching before a game, taking down a running back, and squirting water on his face during a really hot practice.
This link, which this morning was the main, overview article from cnn.com, has 12 such pictures in a set of 16; the other four include the team at their game on Sunday, flags outside the stadium, some fans, and the house he shared with Kasandra Perkins.

Okay. So I guess they just couldn’t squeeze in a picture of her between all the pictures of football players doing their thing. But after you get past the pictures, you see that the article doesn’t even mention her by name until the 6th paragraph, and only then as a small piece of the plotline that leads up to Belcher killing himself.

Before that, the three references of her call her “his girlfriend,” “the woman he killed,” and “a younger woman," restricting her identity to how she related to the life of a man.

this is important part II: the diva cup

photo: luckyvitamin.com

I've got something to say. And male readers, you might really want to not read this, because many of you have probably bought into society's message that lady parts, when you're not directly getting pleasure from them, are really gross. Especially during menstruation. (Which is a subject for a later post - don't think I'm gonna let you get away with it). In sad fact, many ladies have also brought into this malarkey, as I have learned first hand in my quest to education women about the greatest thing since sliced bread: the Diva Cup.

So bear with me on this. Read to the end, mull it over, and then make an informed decision about how you want to go about dealing with your period. Maybe even take a risk on this weird device your friend hypes up so much.

The Diva Cup: a small, flexible cup worn low in the vaginal canal that collects, rather than absorbs, menstrual flow. It contains no plastic, latex, or BPA, and only has to be changed every twelve hours. TWELVE HOURS! Can you believe that? This means you literally can just change it in the morning after you wake up and at night before you go to sleep. For certain people in certain jobs who barely have time to go to the bathroom (ahem, teachers), this is a godsend. If this alone doesn't sell you on why it's is the best way to deal with your period, read on.

this is important part I: IUDs

(photo: managingcontraception.com)

 I had decided to give this blog a rest when I felt that I simply didn't have the time do give it the attention that it deserved. Well, I still feel that way, but have decided to be ok with writing less posts and to not spend so much time editing the hell out of them that the information becomes untimely.

What brought me back using this blog is the uncontrollable desire to help you, my fellow lady friends, be more informed and empowered about the decisions you make about your body. (Guys, read on if you want, but if I see one comment from you with the word "gross" in it, know that I will verbally rip you to shreds).

There are two things I want to tell you about today. This post will take on the IUD.

The IUD, or Inner Uterine Device. It's that tiny little form of birth control that gets inserted way up in your uterus and prevents against pregnancy for 5 or 10 years, depending on the brand. For some reason, my gynecologist, who I absolutely love love love, never mentioned it when we would discuss possible forms of birth control. But once I had my interested sparked by my best friend and her concern over hormonal forms of birth control, I decided to do some investigating. Here's what I found out:

     1. IUDs are the cheapest form of reversible birth control available. The upfront cost is large - around $1,000 without insurance through a doctor or $800 through Planned Parenthood. With insurance, obviously, the cost is much much less - as low as $300. Once I did the math, I was sold. My normal $30/month pills would cost me $3,600 to take for the next ten years. Even paying the full $1,000 without insurance makes more sense economically, if you can afford to pay that much all at once. If you only pay $10/month for birth control pills, you'll shell out $1,200 over the next ten years, so you stand to save less, but there are other reasons to get an IUD other than cost - read on.

     2. Paragard IUDs are the only form of hormone-free birth control. (Mirena, the other IUD, works by releasing a pregnancy-stopping hormone). Hormonal birth control pills have become so commonplace that we rarely step back and look at the bigger picture, but there are lots of reasons for wanting a hormone-free birth control. Some women experience side effects of hormonal birth control, such as headaches, nausea, breakthrough bleeding, decreased libido, and mood swings or depression-like symptoms. The last one is the reason why I personally wanted off the hormones - I suspected the pill to be toying with my emotions. It's too soon to tell if not having those extra hormones on my body will make a difference, but at least now I'll be able to move forward with fixing the problem knowing I've eliminated any possibly physical causes.

     3. IUDs are the easiest reversible form of birth control to maintain.