On The So-Called "Choice" of Wearing Make Up

To couch the choice of wearing not not wearing make-up in the feminist language of the empowered's woman "choice" does us a disservice. It makes it seem that there are no cultural or societal expectations around appearance and use of make-up - a laughable notion. 

I didn't wake up feeling completely neutral about how my face looks today, and think "hmmm I think I'll have some fun with that new eye shadow of mine today" or, alternatively, "no, I don't really feel like make-up today, I won't wear any." This is not how women are allowed to think. We are bombarded with messages from birth on what we should look like, the appearances we should aspire to, and are systematically taught by ads and movies and TV shows that wearing a good amount of make-up is simply the standard, not a choice the empowered makes on days she wants to "have some fun" with her make-up. (What women on TV or in movies don't wear make-up?)

photo: kiagrafia.com

Is wearing make-up really a choice when everything we see normalizes its use and everyday we are told that little is more important for women than our looks? When we are literally treated better when we have it on? 

No. Of course it's not really a choice. 

I applaud women who regularly don't wear make-up. Be it through intense inner work or a fluke of how they were raised, they have somehow come to a good place with how their faces look without foundation and mascara and all the rest. One of my best friends anxiously told me "um, I only own chapstick" when we sat down to discuss make-up at my wedding. I both want to know how she did it and how I can raise my future daughters to feel the same. But even these women are not exempt from inadvertently making a statement, because studies show that women who don't wear make-up are at a disadvantage in the workplace purely for not wearing it. Having make-up on has been proven to make you appear more competent (or course, not too much make-up - that would draw attention to the fact that you are not effortlessly flawless). So even when women truly feel good and at peace with not wearing it, that doesn't mean the rest of the world does. 

For the last few years of my life, this question about wearing make-up has become a torturous battle. (And no, getting married to a great man who tells me I look good all the time hasn't helped, because this mindset has been pounded into me since birth and only I can fix it.) Because no matter what I do, I cannot accept that I look fine with nothing on my face. I go through periods of not wearing make-up and it is a political statement, as well as yet another round of trying to accept myself for who I am – an extremely pale woman with very light eyelashes who scars easily and is still somewhat blemish prone. Maybe if I had naturally perfect skin and darker eyelashes it would be easier, but I'm sure women with those characteristics also have plenty of struggles. Every morning it's a battle - to cave to the expectations of a shitty patriarchate society and cover the scars, darken my eye lashes, put on some foundation to pull it all together, or to stick to my feminist beliefs? To look professional or not? (By the way, knowing about those studies does nothing to help me feel more professional when I don't have make-up on - on days I don't, I am overall more anxious at work, conscious the idea that people may not be taking me that seriously.)

Perhaps I simply overthink it, but to be a woman who is also a feminist, a young professional, and lacks the approved perfect skin/dark eyelashes combination is to never be at rest with this question. And I know that if or when I finally find peace with how I look, the rest of the world will continue to view me as simply less without make-up. So once again, how is this a choice?